Farting

[FLII ME]

Do you rip ass in public? Most of the time when I am at the grocery store or big retail places in general, I try to cut a few just for shock value. I try to get the sound just vocal enough where it is not entirely obvious but where people within earshot will question if someone farted or not. The challenge of this game is to keep a straight face in the process.

Have you been farted on in public? I will never forget I worked with this girl who was a vegetarian and kind of a militant feminist. I would flirt with her just to mess with her and she would get semi-pissed at me. Anyway, one day I was flirting with her while she was behind her desk. I started to move behind her desk to get next to her, she started getting pissed and told me not to go back there, I did it anyway, thinking she was just messing with me, and I hit the thickest, rankest, brick-wall fart you have ever smelled. It knocked me to my knees and made my eyes water. I will never forget that. Thank God I never see her anymore, cuz that is just about all I remember about her.

[Darth Xed]

WOW!

:eek:

I am a bit speechless right now... but nothing like dropping a big ol' stanker on a stuck up! :D

[cASe SenSiTive]

I prefer to do a "drive by". As I'm walking past some folks, I'll let one escape, and then evacuate the area.:D

[Cane Says]

I ass playing cutthroat racket ball with some friends last week and i ripped one that stank so bad, no one wanted to stand in the corner where i did it for seveal points. if it weren't for the opening at the top of the back wall, i think we would have all died.

[wingwop]

Trust me, I've had the misfortune of hearing and smelling Cases' ass!! I've recommended he start carrying baby wipes in his hockey bag. He is a rotten individual.

As for me, I pretty much let the fart dictate the situation. I've never been one to hold back regardless of the situation. I've gotten many a dirty look in church as a kid! There's nothing funnier than dropping a fart right after the priest says, "Let us pray." Sometimes, you just gotta take a bow, ya know?!

[P.J Stock]

haha...you guys are crackin me up.

I usually dont let loose in public, but its never to late to start, right?

I was walkin wit a buddy into the store the other day, and there was an older dude in front of us. Well he let one rip while we were only like a foot behind him. We tried so hard not to laugh, but we couldnt help it.

[FLII ME]

Originally posted by wingwop
There's nothing funnier than dropping a fart right after the priest says, "Let us pray." Sometimes, you just gotta take a bow, ya know?!


This had me on the floor laughing my ass off!!

:)

[FLII ME]

I got Farted on the other day in a similar incident! I was working on a guys car and was going to pull it into the shop, well I asked him to get out and he had this weird look like "hell no I aint moving"! I said sir I have to pull the vehicle in the building because of insurance purposes, So he got out! Well when I plopped down in the Car I thought damn did I step in **** or what, then I realized I had been the victim of an airborn Turd! This guy had ruined the inside of this car, my eyes started watering, I was holding my breath, and finally I had to hang my head out the window just to drive the car! the whole time this guy is standing there turning red as a Fox's butt with embarrasment and I'm wanting to puke. I got out and told one of my technicians to go and check the fuse panel real quick to see what was up ( just so I could get him with someone elses flatulence ) he came over to me and said you SOB you sh@t in that car and I said not me the fellow over there with the red face and the dirty drawers is the culprit. I LMAO at him the rest of the day and kept calling him stinky Mike, he didn't find as much humor in it as I did!

[wingwop]

Which reminds me of a funny story: when I was working at a dealerships quicklube once, I was walking back to the quicklube deptartment with a special oil filter, anyway, this old man walks past me with what looked like grease all over his pants. My first reaction was that one of the idiots in my department lubed him up while he wasn't paying attention. About 5 minutes after he left, I noticed that 3 porters either got fired or quit. In order of seniority, they were marched into a bathroom that nasty old bastard had an explosion in. It was the sickest thing I've ever seen. You could see that when he walked in and the door closed behind him, he dropped his drawers and sprayed the back of the door, across the floor, into the stall, on the back of the stall door and all over the wall above the toilet. Needless to say, they were hiring porters after that disaster. Old people are nasty!!

[FLII ME]

I was trucking for a few days across country several years ago and living off some rough food. Stopped at a wal mart to get a few things & was in the musical - tape dept. when the "power" came to be, ripped a SBD (Silent But Deadily).. tears came to my eyes, almost passed out,-- I mean RANK.. walked about 15 feet away & waited.. sure enough, 2 kids stopped where I just was & looked at each other like, Dude your nasty.. it was hard to keep from busting a gut..laughed all the way to the next state..

[FLII ME]

Farting People

The Vain Person
One who loves the smell of his own farts.

The Amiable Person
One who loves the smell of other people's farts.

The Proud Person
One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine.

The Shy Person
One who releases silent farts then blushes.

The Imprudent Person
One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs.

The Unfortunate Person
One who tries hard to fart, but ****s instead.

The Scientific Person
One who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment.

The Nervous Person
One who stops in the middle of a fart.

The Honest Person
One who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason.

The Dishonest Person
One who farts but blames the dog.

The Foolish Person
One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.

The Thrifty Person
One who always has several farts in reserve.

The Anti-Social Person
One who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.

The Strategic Person
One who conceals his farts with loud coughing.

The Sadistic Person
One who farts in bed and then fluffs the covers over his bedmate.

The Intelligent Person
One who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart, precisely the latest food items consumed.

[Cane Says]

My girlfriend emailed me a story several weeks ago about a man in denver who invented underwwear with a coal filter to prevent foul odors escaping afte someone farts. This guys wife suffers from some disease that makes her fart all the time and this is why he invented it. When they interviewed the guys wife, she said she fars so much that her office smells like a septic tank has backed up.

[wingwop]

She sounds hot :eek:

[Cane Says]

just don't light a match around her, or you might blow up

[FLII ME]

I have been born with a gift. I have some of the rankest farts you will ever smell. My buddies can't even compete. Its smells so bad it will make your nose burn and your eyes water. Anyhow, last year I was at the mall when a case of the smellies hit. Of course I need to share it with others. I proceeded to enter a clothing store, walked to the middle, let it fly, walked back to the top of the stairs to get a good view and watch how 6-7 women were overcome with my foul stench. I later farted in a small pastry shop and cleared the entire store out. People would get this horrific look on their faces and say "what is that" and "oh my god" and I just acted like nothing happened and ate my cheesecake. I truly felt powerful that day.

[Cane Says]

you are a sad and strange little man aren't you. -- more power to you hahahaha. nothing funnier than watching people try to cope with the stench of some a$$ gas.

[FLII ME]

you only live one!
:D

[ken_valyi]

/me enters the Fart Club plugging my nose.



The first rule about fart club is you don't talk about fart club.
The second rule about fart club is you don't talk about fart club.

You don't say anything because fart club exists only in the hours between when fart club starts and when fart club ends.

... that's the third rule of fart club, when someone says "Who dealt it?" or goes limp, even if he's just faking it, the fart is over.

Only two farts to a guy. One fart at a time. They fart without shirts or shoes. The farts go on as long as they have to. Those are the other rules of fart club.


:D